one month later..

it has been one month since my nonny passed away, and i miss her more and more! i still catch myself calling her on the phone wanting to tell her something funny or for her to encourage me in her "sunshiney voice" that she had. i wonder when the hurt will go away. i feel like everytime i talk about her to someone, i start to cry. right now, i feel like she is everywhere....everywhere i look is a reminder of her. every song on the radio, every bird chirping in the trees, in the sound of my babies' laughter, in the blueness of my daddy's eyes, in every frappuccino from starbucks.... i see my sweet nonny! i still can't believe that she is gone! bill had a few days off from work for labor day and he asked me what i wanted to do. without skipping a beat i said, "hey, we can go see nonny..." then i remembered that she wasn't there. she was always our "go to" spot if we needed a getaway. every anniversary (except this past one), bill and i would load up and drive to her house. we never saved up the money to go some place fancy to spend our anniversary, but to be honest... even if we had the money, i still think we would choose to go see her instead! her house was so cozy and warm. to all of us grandkids, it was home! she would make yummy breakfasts every morning and even though our pants were busting, she would be encouraging us to eat more:) she was the absolute best cook, EVER! she made amazing, down-home-southern food that would put Cracker Barrel to shame! man, i miss her...

i often think of the last time that we saw her... it was about 3 weeks before she passed. totally last minute, and everyone except bill and my brother in law eric went. i am so thankful for that trip. it is kind of hard to do last minute trips with 3 kids so small and only one vehicle... but god made it happen and for that i am so thankful! she lives about 2 hours away in pendleton, sc... so we got there in time for lunch and then headed outside to let the kids play on the slip and slide. it was so hot outside that day, but nonny was enjoying squeezing every last drop out of her great grands! it was so fun! i was able to get some cute pics and i have been clinging to those pictures, since she left. after a couple of hours out in the hot sun, we started to load up and head home. we hugged her and my aunt faith so tight and i will never forget what she said to me. "kristen, i can't believe y'all made this trip for your old nonny! i am so thrilled and so blessed! you just made my life!!" i kissed her one last time and hopped in the van to head back to augusta. a short ways down the road, my sister erin who was riding with me, realized that she left a cooler of baby eve's bottles. so we turned back around and headed back towards nonny's house. when we pulled back up, nonny informed me that i had also left the pack and play and something else... (go figure.. i forget everything! and didn't even know i had left it!!) so we reloaded the car and i got to hug her one last time! i think that the lord knew that i would need that extra hug and lovin' from nonny to get me through this. god is so good! i often relive that day in my mind and i am so happy that we made that trip and that that trip made her so happy!nonny, i miss you still... and it hurts so bad! thank you for changing my life and loving me so... i love you more...

.