the holidays begin..

trying not to sound too much like scrooge over here, but if i am honest with you, i am ready for the holidays to be over! they remind me too much of my sweet nonny who passed away in august, and it is too much and too hard right now. every year, my family would spend thanksgiving and christmas at my grandma's house, and now that she is gone, it just doesn't feel the same. however, we ended up going to her house for thanksgiving this week but it was hard. really hard. my aunt still lives there, so we wanted to see her and spend time with our family. i hadn't been to the cemetery since her funeral, so since we were in town, we swung by there on our way to her house. i know she is gone and i see her name on the stone, but it still doesn't seem real. i honestly thought that she would live forever.. i needed her to live forever. these past couple of months have been so hard. i didn't realize how much i needed her in my life. i needed her encouragement, her advice, her love, her jokes, her laughter, her voice... i just needed her! there are people in our lives who can impact and change us in ways we never thought possible, and my nonny was that for me. she loved me and cared for me more than anyone else ever has! she has been the biggest cheerleader and support system for me and bill and was rooting for us when we felt all alone. she was so proud of ella kate, josiah and miley and she loved them all equally! no one got extra special attention, they were all her pride and joy:) when we pulled up to her house, i took a deep breath and braced myself. i knew it was going to be hard. ella kate knew where we were and started squealing in the back seat. she immediately asked where nonny was. nonny was ALWAYS on the front porch waiting for us with her apron on. man, i miss her! i absolutely love her house, though. it reminds me of a fairytale cottage, tucked away in the woods.... lots of trees and flowers, lots of birdhouses, lots of finishing touches of nonny! my dad built it for her right after my grandad passed away 30 years ago, and my sisters and i have always loved it. growing up, we would spend weeks at a time with her at her house. it was always so special. but not anymore. as soon as i walked into her front door, i had to walk back out. it wasn't right. it wasn't nonny's, anymore. now, don't get me wrong... i absolutely love my aunt and love spending time with her and my cousins, but i wanted to go home. while we were there, i got something so bittersweet. nonny was sewing us all patchwork style christmas tree skirts as a surprise christmas and finished them all before she passed away. my aunt had found them and gave me mine and i LOVE it! it is my absolute favorite! it doesn't exactly match my decor or would have been something that i would buy, but it came from nonny... and it was something that she made for me! and for that reason it is the best present i have ever gotten and i will keep it and use it forever!so, back to thanksgiving... i have been so blessed and have so much to be thankful for! i am thankful for my salvation and for the salvation of my family! i am thankful for bill and how he completes me in every way! i am thankful that we have 3 beautiful, healthy babies... that we have not tried to have:) i have so many friends who have struggled with infertility, and i am thankful that i am a fertile myrtle and do not know what it feels like to "want" a baby... because bill basically sneezes on me and we get pregnant:) i am thankful that my family is healthy. i am thankful that my parents are believers and love the lord and love each other, i am thankful that my sisters are my best friends, i am thankful that the lord blessed me with giving me nonny for 25 years. she has changed my life and i will forever miss her!