Wednesday, September 2, 2015

im a slow learner..

hi there ol' blog of mine! I feel like there are just not enough hours in the day to keep up with this blog, but it pains me to think of never writing on it again. I absolutely LOVE looking back over the years and how much my babies have grown, reading about all of the funny things they have said, and being reminded of how faithful God has been in my life.
we had an eventful yet amazing summer that I need to catch you up on-- levi turning 3, 2 beach trips, bill losing his job, our 10 year anniversary (thank you jesus for this marriage!), surprise cruise to the Bahamas, Disney world, bill getting another (even better!) job, a move 3 hours away from home, Josiah turning 8, putting my kids in public school, ella kate turning 9, titus walking, and so much more! God blessed us more this summer than we could have ever imagined.
I have heard this quote so much lately and it has proven to be true over and over. "God is never late, and seldom early, but he is always on time". when we moved to north ga, we searched high and low for a house to rent. we could only find 7 that were in our budget. 5 of them told us that we had "too many kids" and they didn't feel comfortable renting to us. 1 was a small 2 bedroom house but its price was our maximum budget and then there was this 1 house that was beyond perfect. it is 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, clean, updated, had the most spectacular and breathtaking views that I have ever seen and was on the low end of our budget. however, there was this one little problem-- it was pretty high up and smack dab on the side of a mountain. there are 2 warnings on the gravel road leading to the house that says, STOP 4 wheel drive only. and we have a mini van and a punch bug:)
we really felt that God was leading us to this house and it was confirmed through some family members. bill had been living away from us for a few weeks while he started his new job and we were desperately longing to be together. we took a HUGE leap of faith and signed the lease for the mountain house and moved in. after a week or 2, bills punch bug broke down and the borrowed 4WD suburban that our sweet friends so graciously let me borrow had also broken down. we were stuck with only our van which could seldom make it up the mountain to our home. several times we got stuck and the kids and I had to walk all of the way up the winding, steep gravel (in tears) to our home. other times, we had to get towed by friends. it was yet again, a time in my life (just like in us finding a house) where I doubted God's provision. I'm so ashamed to even type those words. I know God. I know He loves me. I know that He has a plan for me and for my family. He has never left me nor forsaken me. why on earth do I struggle with doubt?!
And right on time he blesses us again! my God-fearing, loving and extremely generous family felt led to help us out. they searched high and low for an 8 seater 4WD. they traveled miles upon miles looking for the perfect car for us to help us in our time of need. I was blown away by the faithfulness of God (yet again) and the thoughtfulness of my giving family when they showed me the new expedition they bought for us. at this point, I wouldn't have cared if it was a school bus! I just needed a vehicle that would hold all of my kids and that would get me up the mountain to our house. I am so grateful for them and grateful to God for using them to provide for us.
so here I am again, worrying and doubtful about another situation. it baffles me that I am such a slow learner. I have been dealing with a few minor health issues, that are now turning out to be more serious than I have been willing to accept. my passing out/blacking out episodes that I have been dealing with since Christmas have not gone away. they are accompanied by some pretty major headaches that I have almost daily. since the move, I tend to black out 3-4 times a week (main reason we aren't homeschooling right now). I saw my neurologist again last week and he isn't sure exactly what is causing this. he did however find some nodules on my thyroid that he wanted to have scanned, as well as refer me to a cardiologist to check my heart and see if that could be causing the black outs. after I had my sonogram of my thyroid they saw several solid masses which were a little worrisome (due to the fact that my mom had this exact thing happen to her at the age of 31 and her's was cancer). again, I find myself thinking the worst and wondering where God is in all of this. I cant listen to the enemies lies any more. he is out to kill, steal and destroy and my God is FOR ME, NOT AGAINST ME. he didn't bring me up to this mountain top to leave me hanging high and dry. he has a plan. he is so faithful.
so I am writing this down, so I can come back in a few weeks with an update of how yet again, he has rescued me. because I know that he will.
"they do not fear bad news. they confidently trust in The Lord to care for them." psalm 112:7