Monday, July 23, 2012

Can I just be honest? Sometimes life is hard. Being a mom is hard. Being a stay at home mom with small kids is hard. (I am sure a working mom is just as hard, but I wouldn't know. I've always been able to stay home.)I wouldn't change one thing about my life, but sometimes it feels good to vent. I am not sure if I will even post this entry, but writing is therapeutic for me, so here I am:)I tend to see myself in this season of life, wishing the moments away. It starts off small with thoughts of, "it's almost nap time! I can do this.." to "5:00 will be here soon, daddy is almost home to help!" then it gets bigger to, "I can't wait for fall when it is cooler, and we can play outside again.." or "I just wish you could talk and tell me what you need!" or "I wonder what life is like with no diapers and no schedule.." and I HATE that I do it. These are sweet, special years and yes, they are hard at times.. But I know that I will miss this one day! It is surreal to think that my first baby is already 5 years old!! She will be six soon and it seems like yesterday we were discharged from the hospital with our sweet, beautiful Asian looking baby girl:) the days are long, but the years are flying by!! I have a book called "loving the little years" by umm, I can't find it at the moment. One of my little rascals must have swiped it, but it's good! So good! It is like she wrote about my life! There were several chapters that tears streamed down my face as I read and felt this heart wrentching conviction. If you have small kids, or have many small kids... You need to read it and feel encouraged! It is so easy for me to feel overwhelmed and inadequate in raising my kids. "Am I doing a good job? Are we too strict? Are we too relaxed? Am I showing favoritism? Are they seeing Jesus lived out in my life? Am I taking every opportunity I have to lead them to Jesus? I should have been more patient. Did I just discipline them out of anger?" Satan wreaks havoc in my mind and I feel so defeated. But then I am reminded that these children are BLESSINGS! God gave us these kids! Of all the moms in the world, he CHOSE ME! Psalms 127:3 – “Children are a blessing from the Lord; the fruit of the womb a reward." I also love 2 Corinthians 12:9 'Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.' There are days when the laundry pile is sky high, the floors are sticky, the kids simply cannot get along, the baby who rarely cries has screamed all day long, we are out of milk and bread and don't have a car to get more, bill is working late and I feel like all I have done all day is try to keep my head above water. Can I have 5 minutes where someone isn't crying for me, pulling on me, saying my name, or needing something? Yes.. Probably in 20 years:) I'll have an empty nest and a spotless house and be begging them to come hang out with me! Ha! So if one day my kids are reading this, please know that I love you with every ounce of my being! Being your momma is the greatest privilege and your daddy and I feel like the most blessed parents in the world! But having said all of that, y'all definitely drive me bonkers at times:)

3 comments:

  1. I've never commented here before but I've read your blog for a few years, off and on. I'm a friend of Cristins and I think we figured out we live down the street from you guys? Anyway, I have been meaning to walk down the street to introduce myself.

    We're a family of 6, with only one car now too. And we have four little ones 7, 4, 2 and 1 and the days are long.... and its tough. I am constantly reminding myself of eternity, instead of now! Children are crying, things need to be done, diapering two, potty training..... its all so mundane and tiring and exhausting! Hang in there!

    BTW, if you ever need milk or bread, you are welcome to call me and I'll run up to the store for you.... if I have the car that day! ;)

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    1. Hey! I have heard that she has some friends down the street from us! Nice to "meet" you:) thank you for the encouragement! I would love to get the kids together one day!

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  2. Praying for the rest of your day!

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